Moved my Blog

Faithful readers,

The time has come for me to move my blog both to a new site and in a new direction.

It will still be jam packed with my wit and humor, but I've opened it up to allow room to write on other things.

Check it out: The Jess Show

Or read more about why I chose to move and what the new blog will cover here.

The Lizz and Jess Show REVIVED

I don't know if any of you are aware of the greatness that is the web show I've sporadically recorded over the years with my best friend..."The Lizz and Jess Show" but last night we were hanging out with one of my exes and decided to revive it!

This was the result:



ENJOY!

Having a Broken Arm can be Sexy...right?

At least that is what I feel like this picture is trying to say...

There is nothing "come hither" about a woman wearing a big plastic bag over her BROKEN arm.

Even if she has shaved legs, (UM, how are they shaved so nicely and not have stubble and cuts everywhere if her right arm is broken and she is probably in pain...unless she's one of the lucky lefties like me...but even still it'd be tricky) wrapped in a towel, wearing lots of makeup, and grinning like a dumbass, she is still probably not gettin lucky wearing that thing.

Unfortunately I only found this piece of photography gold because my bestie Lizz fractured her arm from when she got electrocuted at work awhile back...yes. that happened.

But who knows, perhaps I am wrong on all counts. It's not like I can say much in regards to this whole being sexy thing. Perhaps this plastic-bag-on-my-arm lady is doing better then I am in this department, but what could I possibly be doing wrong folks?

Do I not give off the "come hither" look in my photos??

Jeans

I made the decision to finally part with a pair of jeans that I've owned for nine years that I still wear! But they are literally falling apart =(

You see, I decided to purge a lot of stuff in light of my recent move and it was time, but getting rid of these particular jeans was difficult for me, as they have come to have sentimental value. I couldn't bare the idea of throwing them out without a few last words. They inspired me. And now I share my inspiration with you...

Ode to my Oldest Jeans

Old friend,

You’ve known me since before high school,
Where tight jeans were the golden rule,
But as my style has grown and changed,
My go-to jeans you have remained.

You’ve been witness to every fun mistake,
Back when I thought men were a piece of cake.
Without fail you’ve fit me right,
Making my ass look hot and tight.

But through the years your seams have been ripped apart,
And not just because of my stinky farts.
I EARNED the holes that developed on your perfect denim,
You weren’t some sell out jeans with holes already in them.

But alas, the placement is too weird,
I wouldn’t want anyone to see my downstairs beard.
And so our journey has come to its end,
But I won’t let you be a forgotten friend.

As I send you off to where jeans go to die,
Find comfort in these words as my last goodbye:

You are LOVED, my tried and true!
I’ll miss every inch of your faded blue!
And even though we now must part,
You will always, ALWAYS, be close to my heart!

Oh summer, lets see what we can create!

Dear Readers,

All two of you.

I know I've fallen off the blogging grid the past couple of weeks. I have been insanely busy with work and life. Please forgive my silence, I know I've left a tremendous void in your life that only my funniness can fill. But I'm back!

And guess what bloggity blog! I MOVED. yayyyy. go me. I now have an awesome place in la Berkeley hills. And now I'm fancy and sophisticated and hold my pinkies up while I drink my superior everything.

Also while off the grid I picked up photography and will likely inundate you with lots of pictures that are not going to be very good. But be supportive bloggity blog, I'm NEW at this!

I'm happy to report that my creative mind seems to have come alive again recently in full force. I think picking up guitar last month is what it sparked it, but regardless of why it's suddenly back, I'm incredibly happy to know that part of me still exists and am stoked to see what comes of it all!!

What has YOU excited this summer? Besides having me back in your blog life of course =P

Quote of the day

"I think no eyebrows are better than one eyebrow." - AnnaKate

Came into THAT conversation at a weird time...still don't know what that was about, lol

#funnyofficemoments

finally getting started on that childhood dream

I've been thinking about taking up guitar off and on for years.

I tried it once when I was like 11 or so, but gave up after a few days because I didn't realize it'd make my fingers hurt and be so much....work! I was 11 dammit, and wanted to be a rockstar RIGHT THEN!! And I didn't really want to do the work to get there...so I just gave up on that dream temporarily and moved right along to my next big idea of being an actress on Broadway, or some such ridiculousness. In my 11 year old mind I decided it would be less work as I apparently already had the god given talent of an "expressive" face and a voice that carries. (or as some might say... I was obnoxiously loud) And so I found myself in theatre from middle school until college...at which point I got too busy working a job and studying for classes to have any time for creative pursuits anyway.

But secretly deep down, I've always still wanted to be able to play and learn/write songs and be an "artist" who moves people and makes them think about life, the universe, and everything.

I've been waiting for the perfect point in my life when I knew I'd have enough time, drive, and dedication needed to get through the toughest part: the first few months of grueling pain on my fingers, the sounding horrible no matter what I do, having long pauses between chord changes, the nothing ever sounds like anything ohmygodwhydidiwanttodothis phase!

And that perfect point in my life...well frankly, is probably not now. But on a whim I bought a guitar this past Friday anyway and spent my entire Memorial's Day weekend practicing/playing my heart out. It's been less than a week and my fingers are already forming callouses and I've spent a lot of time on skype with my dad holding the neck up to the webcam asking him if I was holding down the F chord right, and why it sounded so horrible and why is music theory so complicated anyway!

But even though its hard, it doesn't feel like work. I look forward/make time to practice, and take joy in overcoming small feats. I think I just needed to want it enough, and I have that now, more so than I did at 11. My reasons for wanting it have changed and evolved and something in the past few months clicked, and I feel like its a form of expression I need to learn. I have so much I want to say with my guitar.

I'm excited about my new hobby and plan to waste away my summer throwing all my time and heart into the damn thing. Wish me luck ya'll! ...and hey. If I give it all I got and I STILL suck, as long as I learn the 4 basic chords, the rockstar thing is still a possibility!

EDIT: JUST SO EVERYONE KNOWS, JACOB RUBIN SHOWED ME THIS AWESOME HILARIOUS VIDEO. IT IS ALMOST AS HILARIOUS AS HE IS! http://shlabam.tumblr.com

Happy Anniversary

Me: Happy Anniversary!! =D

Dad: Thanks...I just passed that on to mom

Me: good

Me: you guys doing anything special?

Dad: Nothin' I can mention...

Me: lol...ew.

Me: How many years now?

Me: 27?

Dad: yes

Me: thats pretty amazing

...I hope to find a love like my parents one day. They have set such a great example of what love is capable of being! Although, while I'm glad they are still madly in love, I don't need to be reminded that they still chase each other around the house =P

Hanna's B-day Party Quotes

This past Friday night I went out to celebrate my good friend Hanna's birthday. A group of 25 to 30 people came out to Missouri Lounge where I rallied (with help from Lizz) the entire bar to sing happy birthday to Hanna before she blew out the candle on her birthday cake (the frenchies and I decided a cake was necessary for the party) We all laughed and drank the night away with each others great company. About half of us ended up going back to the Eddys for more booze/pictionary/danceparty as the night wore on.

These were some memorable quotes from the evening:

"Thanks for the anti-asian cream!" - Hanna (after I gave her a bottle of anti AGING cream for her birthday...did I mention Hanna is Korean...)

"this bitch is wearing scrubs!" - Kelan (pointing at a stick figure with a blob as clothes...it was his turn to draw for Pictionary)

"fuck Pictionary, we should play Clue...lock the front door! The culprit who overflowed the toilet is still in this house!" - me

"yeah right happy fucking birthday" - Hanna (under her breath to the cop at the front door)

"people are turquoise" - Hanna

"wipe me!" - Hanna

"NO! wipe yourself!! and wash your hands after!!" - me

"Hanna, we should get out of his room, he IS in here...and he's naked!" - me (Hanna and I went looking for blankets and pillows in Eddy's room in the middle of the night)

SO EXCITED

Maybe it's because the awkward & clumsy, yet adorable & sing-songy girl in the show is named Jess (just like me!)

Or maybe it's because the storyline is about a girl who is in the middle of recovering and rebuilding after betrayal/break up (ahem, unfortunately also like me)

...or maybe it's because I just absolutely love Zooey Deschanel...

but I'm REALLY REALLY OVERLY OMG EXCITED about this show coming out in the fall and had to share.